More Headlines

These are from fark.com's headline of the year contest.  I am deleting those that aren't that funny and that are overly inappropriate.

Also, we had some unbelievers last time, so let me explain how fark works-- it's a news aggregator, with submissions from all over the world.  People find stories, create their own headlines, and then submit the original article.  So the stories are real, headlines are made up by non-journalists.

Here we go:

One armed girl swims circles around competition

Two swimmers dead, Juan Moore missing 

Disagreements shake Djibouti. Shake, shake, shake. Shake, shake, shake. Shake Djibouti 

Now that certain words -- like the other word for donkey -- must be filtered on the Internet: President Abraham Lincoln was buttbuttinated by an armed buttailant after a life devoted to the reform of the U.S. consbreastution

Father of two crushed to death after falling into printing press. This story is continued on Pages 3, 4, 9 and 10

Last German WWI veteran dies at age 107. WE WIN

Four ex-AOL executives reach plea deal with SEC, must surrender stolen money and perform 5,000 HOURS OF FREE SERVICE

General Motors post a $15.5 billion second-quarter net loss. Sales plummet like a rock. Oooooohhhhh, Like a Rock 

QVC to lay off 6 percent of workers. But if you call in now, they'll cut another 10 percent 

Halliburton bidding $3.4 billion for Expro, which is the first time in years Halliburton actually bid on something

Ticketmaster fires 300 employees due to financial crunch, collects 10 percent of their severance in convenience fees

Not ones to deviate from their business model, GM admits that they "wont make a dime" from the Chevy Volt

Stark candy heart plant is closing. It must be a DREAM. This pink slip can't BE MINE. Guess nothing lasts FOREVER 

3M sends 1800 employees pink post-it notes 

Krispy Kreme loss widens in 3rd quarter, hindquarter

Sony makes 8000 walk, man 

Scientists create rubber that repairs itself. Your parents wish they had had this

Schoolboy collapses and goes into convulsions playing World of Warcraft, which inadvertently gives him more exercise than he's had for months 

Alaska's black population says he has felt ignored by Palin

Not one to stall for time, Larry Craig intends to tap out his memoirs

"Obama tax plan will retard growth, job creation" as opposed to Palin's plan of job growth and retard creation

Anonymous package of bacon closes congressman's office, which marks the first time in history a politician ran away from pork 

Suri Cruise named best-dressed tot in show business, just barely edging out her dad Tom 

Supermodel sorry for disappearance, promises to never turn sideways again

"24" executive producer Joel Surnow opts to leave the show after his contract RAN OUT OF TIME 

A little more of our Christmas

Merry Christmas to All!

We had a great Christmas this year. Just about anything was going to be better than last year when Owen and I were hanging over a bowl with the flu all day! But it really was a fun, relaxing, great day. And to prove it, I'll even post bad pictures of myself, well maybe just one! Here's us all in our pj's Christmas Eve. My parents were with us and Jack & Owen were thrilled to have grandma and papa stay the night with us.

The boys basically got the same things, it wasn't much but I was happy that they liked their gifts so much. I keep wondering how many more years we can get away with buying them the same things. When will they grow to be different enough that they'll be asking for completely different things for Christmas?

They were excited about every little thing stuffed inside their stockings- even the toy cars they already had down in their toy box that we threw in just to have something else!

Such sweet boys.

And all they kept asking to do was open another present! Something about being allowed to tear something open just lights up their faces! Sometimes it also brings frustration when mom uses too much tape and they can't find anywhere to start from, woops!

None of us really got a Christmas nap but we wanted to make extra sure that we wore out the boys enough for a good sleep tonight so we took them sledding with all their new snow clothes and sleds they got from Grandma & Papa Ward. We kept waiting to go throughout the day thinking it would soon stop snowing and as you can see we gave up because there was, and still is, no end in sight! We all had a blast sledding, which is great because the snow's not going anywhere and we've got to get out of the house to do something!

We hope you all had as great of a day as we did. Enjoy the rest of 2008

and get ready to ring in the new year!

Mackade William Lowe

My little sister was finally able to have her baby today and we're all so in love with him!

She checked into the hospital early Monday morning but by the next morning she had barely dilated to a 4, poor thing. Then all of a sudden things sped right up and after just a couple more hours and two pushes there he was! 8 pounds 2 ounces. The whole family family is so excited to have him, and the boys know it's Christmas because we kept telling them Jessi's baby couldn't come out until Christmas!

On the sixth day 'til Christmas...

We put up our Christmas tree.