Ch-ch-changes

I've been putting this off for a week now and I'm still not sure of what to say. It's something that's been on my mind for a while now but I can't seem to put into action. I love being a mom but it's not something that comes naturally to me. I didn't babysit when I was younger and I didn't dream about getting married and having kids or being a stay at home mom. I wanted college, a career, and marriage down the road. Obviously plans changed rather quickly. Motherhood was a very hard transition for me and sometimes I feel like I haven't come very far. Parenting is hard as it is but when you feel like you're not programmed for it the task becomes that much more frustrating and difficult. Lately I've been feeling like I have been taking the back seat and haven't been applying myself as much as I could...and should. I want to be a great mom, partly so that when my kids are grown they'll tell me just how great of a mom they have and couldn't have asked for anyone better. Selfish, yes, but I'm okay with that. The other (bigger) part is that I truly want my kids to grow up feeling they are ready for the world and that they can accomplish whatever they dream. You need a mom for that. A dedicated mom. I tend to get caught up in everything that isn't going right and the things that need to change that I forget to enjoy the good moments. I came across a quote recently

         Don't let yourself

       become

       so concerned

       with raising

       a good kid

       that you forget

       you already

       have one.

All of these feelings had been intensified this past month as we prepared for Jack and Owen's baptism. The fact that they are old enough to be baptized is crazy. Childhood comes and goes so fast and here we are watching our babies grow up and make these big decisions and all I can think about is how this isn't going to last much longer. They were a huge example to me by being so brave and confident in their decision to be baptized. They were both so so excited and it was so fun to be a par of that. I hope that I can be that kind of example back to them. 

I also wanted to remember some of the best parts of that day. It was a stake baptism and there were 5 kids total. The only girl being baptized is in Jack and Owen's class at school and they all share the same birthday so they were excited to see her there. One of the other boys being baptized was the oldest of 5 kids and the two youngest were baby twin boys. Watching them really brought back memories and showed how far we've come from those crazy days. Then there was one other boy from our ward. The bishop from each ward introduced the kids and told everyone a little bit about them. Our bishop called Jack up first and he walked right up and stood so proud and happy there at the pulpit. Here is what he told about Jack (which Nick wrote for the bishop)

Jack Ryan Johnson

Born March 12, 2005, at 10:01 PM.  Jack was born one minute before his identical twin brother. 

Jack loves art.  He likes to color and create; he is often writing stories.  He likes to discuss ideas with his mom and dad. 

He’s very excited to be a cub scout and to learn all the new skills and fun things that come along with scouting.  He has always been a big fan of camping and the outdoors.   He’s also our little academic.  Jack does math problems for fun, and his mom and dad were a little bit startled recently to find that he can do some math problems in his head faster than them.  That isn’t supposed to happen for a few more years. 

Jack is also very driven.  When he wants something, he goes after it.  He does what it takes to get what he wants.  Jack excels in school and is already talking about graduating from college.  He’s thinking about things at eight years old that his parents were thinking about at 28 years old.

Jack is committed to choosing the right as a serious commitment following his baptism.  He has a sense of doing what is right and plans on following through.  Jack is a great kid. 

Owen is much shyer than Jack is and I wondered if he would have a hard time going up when the bishop called for him. Well, he certainly didn't hesitate to go up so I knew he was excited but once he got up there he looked very timid and didn't want to look at anyone. When he gets like this he gets this funny look on his face like he's trying so hard not to smile and his lips get all pursed together. It was kind of funny to watch but he did great. Here is what was said about Owen

Owen Chase Johnson

Born March 12, 2005, at 10:02 PM.  Owen was 3.5 pounds when he was born.  He always likes to mention that he’s littler than Jack and should get some advantage at whatever they are doing.

Owen is one active boy.  He has always been a big fan of action.  Anytime we go anywhere, he wants to go on his bike or on the scooter, and he’s also learning to skate.  Owen has no fear at all about trying new activities.   He loves the water and swims as much as he can.  He loves to play and spends as much time as possible outside, except when it is cold.  Owen likes to travel, particularly to Idaho to see his grandparents.  He also likes to read books and tell us all about the funny parts.  Owen really likes Calvin and Hobbes and sometimes is just as wild as Calvin and Hobbes.

Owen is an especially good big brother to his sister.  She adores him.  They like to watch movies together.  Owen likes to build things and make grand plans for his future. 

Owen has been looking forward to his baptism for some time.  Owen is a very special boy and his parents are very proud of him and his decision to be baptized.

It was then time to go to the font for the actual baptism. Papa Brent and Papa Don were the two witnesses for both. Jack again went first. It was very surreal to watch Nick enter the water and then reach for Jack. Jack was very quiet and looked like he was shaking a bit because of being nervous. We had talked beforehand about what would happen and he was most concerned about Nick joking with him or making him stay under water for a long time. When he came up out of the water there was a noticeable gasp from Jack almost like he felt he was under too long when it was really only a couple seconds. I think he was ready to get out right afterwards. Then Owen's turn. He, too, looked very nervous but he displays his nervousness quite differently than Jack does. Before he entered the water we could all hear him giggling, it was so funny and so Owen. Afterwards Nick confirmed them both, this time Owen going first. Nick did a great job and it was perfect. I would have been so nervous about doing all the priesthood stuff. I am so grateful that their dad was able to baptize them and be a part of this special day.

I am also extremely grateful to all the family and friends that came to be with us. I know that the boys may not remember much from this day but it's something that I will always remember and to know that so many of you supported us is very humbling. I made a personal goal this year to get to know and support our family more this year. It's difficult when so many live so far away but this has made me want to make a better effort to make it to important events because they really do mean so much. We love you all!