Sunday, October 17, 2010

Let's Be Friends

I've been thinking about friends a lot lately. I've always felt very strongly that family comes first but I also think having friends in your life is quite vital.

We knew that with the boys starting kindergarten this year that we wanted them in separate classes. We felt that they needed that time to be away from each other and develop more as individuals. They're both very smart and we knew that this year would mostly be for them to grow socially and not necessarily academically. They've stayed home this past year and really haven't been around a ton of other kids so we didn't know what to expect. Jack ended up in the same class as about 5 other kids from primary, while Owen didn't know anyone in his class. We thought this wasn't too bad of a setup since Owen has no problems making friends, and Jack is a bit more awkward around other kids. The first couple weeks both the boys would say they hadn't made any friends and they didn't know anyone's name. The last two weeks, however, Owen comes home telling us about a new friend everyday, Jack...not so much. The only person Jack says he wants to play with is his brother Owen, but Owen says he only wants to play with Jack at home and never at school. I guess this has started a few fights between them at recess, they've even had to meet with the principal about it twice. What do you do? This is the first time that I've ever seriously wished they weren't twins. I never imagined that it could be like this, in my head it was either they would always have the same friends, or they would have totally different groups of friends but be fine with it. Jack was just crying the other day because Owen said he couldn't play with him and his friends, they even ended up taking Jack's shoes away from him and hiding them. I just don't get it. They are great at home, they play all the time and seem to genuinely love being together. It makes me so upset that Owen would be like that at school. I feel very helpless in this situation.

All of this has gotten me thinking more about having friends later in life. I am always having times where I really wish I had some close friends here. Even just one! I'm okay with admitting I don't have any friends on here because I'm pretty sure the only people who read this are my sister-in-laws :) Seriously though, just because you get married and have kids doesn't mean you shouldn't have friends anymore. Even couple friends would be wonderful, though that's even harder to come by since there's four of you that all need to like each other! I guess that dream you have with your best friend when your 10 years old about living next door to each other and having your kids grow up together never really goes away.

I hope Jack and Owen can work things out. I hope that they both realize that the bond of a family is greater than that of friendships, and that you protect your family at all cost. I hope they will love each other always, no matter what. I hope that even if they end up with different friends that they'll support one another and always stick up for one another.

Oh yeah, our camera is broke; has been for a couple months. I hate blogging with out pictures, hence the no blogging. Do you have my name for Christmas???


Curtis and Crystal Emery said...

Um I am your friend and I read your blog as soon as you update so don't forget about me! Love you Kara Jo :) I hope the boys can figure it out too. Hard to have a brother be the "bully" at school.

Ashlee said...

I have your name for Christmas. I'll get right on finding you a $30 camera. I bet it will be great! ;) I actually already have your gift planned. You were easy!

Sorry to hear about Jack and Owen at school. It's such a helpless feeling to just send them to a school and only know what's going on from what you hear. Can you ever work in their classrooms? Or have Nick work in the classroom? Ava is SUPER shy and won't talk to anyone at school. She plays alone and even eats at the "peanut free" table to avoid lots of kids. Awkward. But, when I go to her class I notice she comes out of her shell more and the other kids talk to me and then talk to her. It's great seeing who she could be friends with and kinda direct her that way. It's hard to get in there with other kids, but super fun if you guys can swing it.

I've had a few really great friends over the years- but friends sometimes leave, I've learned. And so, family is all the more important to me. But I do feel VERY blessed to have a couple of super great friends I can always call. I'll share them if you wanna move up here. Wouldn't that be awesome? I agree with you about the 10 year old best friend dream. Kinda sad though.

Hope everything works out. We'd LOVE to see you guys sometime- wanna meet somewhere? :)

Kayleen said...

I read your blog too Kara! I totally am feeling what you blogged about. It's hard to not have friends around other than your kids and your husband.. I'm so sorry about your boys. That would be so hard to work through. I hope owen has a change of heart.

Nedra said...

Does a mother in law count as a friend? I really want to be!! You get me started on the importance of good friends and I can tell you some stories!!! It doesn't matter how old you are, FRIENDS PLAY A HUGE PART in your life. They can influence you for the good or they can make you think twice about things. I have been blessed, so blessed with friendships that have become my family...because I didn’t have family close by. But it's true, friends are that, friends, and they can come and go…but family…they are really yours. When you are in need, it’s your family you call on.. and its your family that you want to share fun good news with and it’s your family that is there for you through good times and bad and understands you and loves you though it. You know my family, I couldn’t be luckier than to come from a family that even when there are struggles, we pull together. That is what families do~
Breaks my heart about Jack and Owen, because I know it breaks yours. It’s good they are still young, and you can get in there and talk to them and try and teach them…but mostly, we set the example of how we should treat one another. Such an adjustment and you guys are cute little parents and want the best for them, it’s not like your just going to throw your arms up and say “OH WELL!”
You do all you can. It’s so hard parenting. The hardest job ever!
I hope your planning a trip out this way soon.
I love you all so much.

P.S. I hope whoever has Nicks name for Christmas, will put their money toward your camera!!

Jayme said...

Wish you guys lived up here! We'd get to hang out lots more!

Becca said...

I am sorry that I can't remember what Dannon and I did when we were in Kindergarten. I know we were in separate classes and that we had our own group of friends. One time there was a girl trying to kiss Dannon at recess so my friends and Dannon's friends would slide down the slide and keep the girl away until Dannon could climb back up the slide. I think you just have to be patient with them and encourage Owen to include Jack, but also encourage Jack to find his own friends.


Kim said...

It's obvious that there is only one solution to this problem... move to Oregon! You could live close to us and we could become best friends! We are the same age after all!
And your kids can be best friends with Ash's kids. This needs to happen!
Love you!